My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
