I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
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It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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