he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
