My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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