Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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