Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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