ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize