hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
