omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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