Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
tell me about the fingering
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