someone threw a dead crab at me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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