party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We need to rekindle our bromance
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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