piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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