well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
