Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
