Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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