If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
