Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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