i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
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