legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
