you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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