butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
