Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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