I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i believe in u and ur pee
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
