Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
