the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
