just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
