what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
