If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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