I wish I could punch you in the face.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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