This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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