I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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