Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
