Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think my fart just growled at me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your penis caused this!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
