All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
