mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
