Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
