I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
