I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
