Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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