I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Its about making memories worth repressing
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
