Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize