I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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