i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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