JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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