we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
