Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
