She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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