Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
