So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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