i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize