DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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