Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
