Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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