then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
