He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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