Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
