....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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