My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
