fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
