...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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