I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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