i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
