I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
