if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
