I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
