she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
