Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
