So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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