Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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