Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
