1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
