My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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