whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
