cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
