i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
