maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
