I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
