Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
