It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
