If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
